Natural dominance Natural Dominance in Relationships Natural Dominance in Relationships

Natural dominance
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I went to a talk once by a doctor who specializes in anti-aging/slow aging medicine. After the talk he chatted with a few of us about how he manipulates his personal testosterone levels depending on what he has to do that day. If he's playing with his grandkids, he lets it stay at its normal level. For normal day-to-day living, he keeps it at the normal level for a 30-year-old man. If he has to go to a business meeting or negotiations, he ups it to the maximum safe level, and says people kowtow to him as the alpha male. When he goes to a party he rubs some behind his lips and all the fertile aged women find him just fascinating.

The doctor must have been close to 60 (given the number of years he said he'd been practicing) but he looked younger and really, really good and he really turned me on (and I'm a 25-year-old attractive female).

I've also found that guys with a combination of hairy chests/male pattern baldness often do it for me too.

So many testosterone levels have something to do with it.


 Favours or service
When I read this, my first reaction was that Ashley must be talking about someone else, because I definitely do like being told what to do – by the right man, in a non-gratuitous, understated, natural way. Under the right circumstances, it is very exciting and also deeply relaxing, and yes, it makes me feel obedient too.

What I don't like, and what I was referring to in the article Ashley linked to, is being asked to do things in a grumpy you-jolly-well-ought-to-do-this-for-me sort of way. It is supposed to be fun and exciting, not a means of extracting favours or service. I seem to have a bit of an aversion to being treated like a servant or slave or a BDSM bedroom sub. And when I am not attracted to and interested in the man, or if the man throws his weight around gratuitously, or if he demands obedience (or demands it when we have only just met, at least), or if he gets angry if I do not obey, I find it presumptuous, annoying, and altogether unappealing.

What I like is a combination of telling me what to do (in a natural, understated way), and a laid-back, easy-going attitude.

In a relationship, it is particularly pleasant when a man is bossy in ways that are also expressions of caring. For example, telling me firmly not to try to lift something too heavy for me, telling me to rest when I am exhausted, telling me to tell him what's on my mind.

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 Natural Dominance
It is interesting reading what taken in hand women find most attractive in a male...commanding presence, solid convictions, one who can hold his head up when all about him are losing theirs and blaming him, all the stuff Rudyard Kipling described as being a 'man.' Not sugar and spice and everything nice, this is also the stuff real women are made from.

So what attracts one woman to what she would describe a dominant or alpha male (if one uses these terms with respect to humans) when another woman would look at the same male under the same circumstances and simply balk? It's a difficult question but one which biology attempts to answer.

As a quick answer, Charles Darwin gives the clue to this evolutionary question. Though he admitted at the time of his writing he could not prove it, subsequent research is bearing him out. He observed that it is not the male dominance that is most important in evolution but rather the dominance of the female in sexual selection. He writes in Descent (Sexual Selection): I think it is a general rule that the female of any species will select the male whose dominance most enhances her own dominant traits.

Various studies in humans have shown that females in general will be attracted to males whose dominant genes (after investigation finds this to be true) are complimentary to the dominant genes of the female. Anyone care to discuss whether or not, in general anyway, it is in reality the female who selects the male and not the other way around? Neither Darwin nor others can explain the physiology behind this highly adaptive characteristic of the the female but the observation seems to hold true in all species.

So, I think one should put away the idea that male dominance is something greater than the female ability to gather up that genetic windfall and use it for the strengthening of the female and hence the species as a whole.


Goodness! I interpreted Sarah's post so very differently from the way you did. To me, this just goes to show that we all bring our own perspective to what we are reading – and that therefore, it behoves us to try to be aware that we could be wildly misunderstanding something. As it happens, whilst I am an atheist, I too dislike the D/s custom of capitalising “him” and “he” and using lower case to denote submission, but that is just because it is non-standard English and thus for the uninitiated reader reads less smoothly than it otherwise would. However, I think that if you had read Sarah's piece without that capitalisation, you might well not have read it the same way you did at all. Perhaps you would, but I'd be willing to bet that that is true for some readers.

I don't think that anything Sarah or Glory have said can be taken to imply that this quality we are discussing is congenital or not something that can be developed. But the mere fact that a quality is not congenital does not mean that it does not exist for whatever reason.


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 Being turned
To ask, "do you like a man to tell you what to do?" is rather like asking, "do you like a man to undress you?" The answer to both questions is, "If I'm sexually turned on to him, then yes. If I'm not, then NO! Blech! Get away from me, you creep!" And if you said yes, you might add, "it depends how he does it." I doubt anyone here is turned on by bossy men per se; I'm certainly not. It has to be just the right man bossing in just the right way.


 Individual conformity and the alpha
I found your article via Google and am intrigued but I wonder what message you're giving young impressionable girls/women. It plays into the stereotypical gander responses. Individual conformity is surely something to question not uphold as a standard to aspire to. The alpha male as a human construct needs to be exposed for the gender stereotype it is.


 Lifestyle Stereotypes
Consider the stereotypes exposed. I think those of us who enjoy the philosophy fostered by this site are all well aware of stereotypes, their flaws, and their benefits. Some of us have picked one to emulate. Others have picked one close to what they want and removed perceived flaws and emulated that. Yet others just choose to be themselves, and if that happens to resemble a given stereotype it doesn't matter, because they too are trying to find their way to happiness and fulfillment.

South Carolina

 Alpha males don't exist
If I was with someone who bossed me around in front of all my friends, and made me feel “very ashamed” for doing nothing more than defending myself against a verbal attacker, I'd want to grant them deity status with capitalised pronouns too.

Of course “everyone fell silent” to hear you get mistreated by Mac; of course Robert left after everyone (except Mac) started ignoring him; and of course “there was lots of good conversation and much laughter” when that was what you all were there for – but how does this amount to Mac having “taken control of a room full of rowdy people without even trying”?

And as for Mac's dad: he was the coach of several years, of course the players are going to do as he says.

I'm not trying to offend you or anything but I'm sure you can appreciate that your painting Mac's family as a line of supermen is offensive to human beings everywhere.

Alpha males don't exist, people. There is no such thing as universal power. Power is situation specific. It is something that anyone can get, everyone can lose, and nobody has a monopoly on. Regardless of how much you want to stress the ‘undeniability’ of the “presence” of some bozo reading a can of cat food.

North Dakota

Doesn't neccesarily follow. I have known managers (both sexes) of many years experience who are, basically, ignored by those they lead. In some cases they were replaced - or at least shuffled sideways out of harms way, in others the team did a good job whilst ignoring the managers input - which regrettably meant that to those higher up the chain it looked like they were doing their job - the worst example was where the people being ignored were the two people who owned and ran the company - the company built a good reputation despite them, not beause of them. And conversely, I have known people with pratically no experience take charge in such a way that no-one griped, and everyone was happy to work for them.

I agree - it is something that can be learnt over time, that can be turned on and off as needed (something I know I can do, and do well, in the workplace). I think some people are scared of doing so, but I do wish more people would try - it is a very attractive quality in anyone. ????


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Opgericht: 12-05-2022
Gewijzigd: 06-01-2023
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